I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
