Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
