The maid of honor just puked.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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