Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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