Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
