ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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