Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
