she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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