miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
