so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
