So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
