She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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