I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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