I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
