it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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