i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
