I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So squirting runs in the family.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize