Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
