chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
