It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
