Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize