Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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