Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
