guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
