There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
