It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
