'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
