I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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