They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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