CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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