I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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