I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
