why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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