I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
