Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
