went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
