I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
