do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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