you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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