i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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