we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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