Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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