Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
