I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my poor anus
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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