Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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