we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
