Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
