If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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