he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
