Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
