I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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