Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you had me at cake vodka
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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