I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize