Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
