Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
