it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
