I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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