Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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