She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
try to milk me bitch
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