Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
