don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
