Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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