i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
