I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im holly from the hills drunk
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
