These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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