WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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