dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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