My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
