just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
