I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
