I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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