i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ttyl tear gas
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
