that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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