were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
