if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
