what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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