I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
