so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
