after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
