My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
