Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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