You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
