I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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