Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
