question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
