DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bring me that man meat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
