Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
