oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
