roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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